Entertaining Elephants . . . or vice versa

Waking up in our treehouse this morning, we were thankful that we had left the beach well rested . . . because we were up with the roosters. Literally. One was just sitting up in our tree. Crowing his face off. And, if you know me, you know I have a whole rooster rant up my sleeve. (THE SHORT VERSION: If they weren’t necessary for chicken procreation, I would have been picketing to keep them off the ark. Get your hours straight, or you drown, Rooster!) But, even the rooster’s rudeness could be forgiven today. Because today was elephant day. “Be a mahout (elephant trainer/rider/care-taker)” day. Can’t spoil THAT for us, Rooster!

After a slightly strange “American” breakfast (Let’s just go ahead and tell the world: To make something American, we don’t simply add a hot dog to the mix. Cut it into a fancy spiral, and it’s still a hot dog.), we loaded up a vehicle with a sweet family from Italy. Winding through jungle roads, we eventually pulled into Baanchang Elephant Park, a family owned and operated elephant rescue and reserve. Surrounded by small mountains covered in banana plants and sugar cane, it’s beauty was only accented by the presence of their fourteen gentle giants. Even little baby-face, at two years old, had some giant going on. But, THAT FACE. . . definitely baby. But I digress.

Before we could approach the elephants, we had to be properly attired. We each received an official Baanchang Elephant Park t-shirt, with some very special balloon-y pants. You could fit approximately four people into each pair of these mahout trousers, so it was a little bit of a production getting everything into place. We found it worked best to tag team this effort. Get your pants wrapped around you just so, then tap out and have a friend cinch that little rope around you to the point where it a little bit hurts. Ain’t nobody want to lose their britches when clambering up onto an elephant!

Next came our Thai elephant command vocabulary class. Our mahout teacher, Baim, taught us how to tell our elephants to: stop (If I remembered nothing else, I was determined to remember this one!), move forward, backward, turn left and right, mouth open, leg up . . . higher, and well done, elephant. With each command, came a specific action. SO much to remember, but why waste time in the classroom when the elephants were just out there waiting?!? It was time to practice.

Baim introduced us to Christina Aguilera (because . . . she's a natural elephant namesake), our training elephant. Our first job was to get friendly with her. What better way to do that than with a snack? That always wins me over. With sugar cane in hand, we approached Christina and offered her a treat. The first one she plucked daintily from our hand with her trunk and fed herself. Then we were instructed to tell her to open her mouth--she moved that big, muscular trunk straight up in the air, and stood there, pointy triangular mouth gaping—and place a cut of sugar cane right on that pink tongue. Act of bravery #1: Complete! Next, we got to feed bananas to the baby. What a sweet little thing, and definitely into bananas.

Now that we were besties with the elephants, it was time for a practice ride. Who should go first? Baim must have decided to choose the most panicked-looking of the lot. . . and went with me. My guess is that he wanted to show our little group that if the super-freaker of the bunch can handle this, we could all come out unscathed. So, we instructed Christina to lift up her front leg to create a stepladder of sorts, and up I went. And, here’s the thing: I find horses to be plenty big and slightly

terrifying. Christina trumped all horses everywhere . . . and she didn’t have a saddle. With panic overtaking my heart, I tried to play it cool and practice my commands, gaining small bits of confidence with each try. *small* After going through the list of commands, I was deemed adequate for driving an elephant and was granted permission to dismount. Our Italian friends took their turns, and then it was Peter. He popped right on up there, Baim told him scooch back, then stand up. (WHY one would do this is beyond me?!?) And he did it. Pretty much a professional. Or something.

All practiced up, we were rewarded with a smooch from one of Christina’s friends. It was a very    suction-y sort of kiss . . . .long and lingering, right on the neck. A sweet send-off to lunch.

After fueling up for the afternoon with some Massaman curry, it was time. Time to ride. Into the jungle. I was going to be first driver, Peter the passenger. How, may you ask, was this decided? We were told that the first half of the ride would be easier. Don’t mind if I do, sir . . . I will gladly drive this elephant on the easy portion.

Safely mounted and in position, we were off. We could feel the power of the beast beneath us with each step. Pretty amazing. Apparently our elephant hadn’t taken her lunch break while we did, because she was HUNGRY! And, let’s be honest, consuming 250 KG of food a day is a full-time job! So, we walked a little . . . ate a little . . . and some of us (read: me) were terrified a little. But we bravely rode. And not one was lost. Halfway through our journey, it was time to switch. I became the passenger to Peter’s driver. As we lumbered downhill, I was grateful to be in the back. Feeling as if you are going to tumble head over heel off the head of an elephant, Isn’t my idea of adventure. I like when adventure feels mostly safe. And when our sweet girl decided to uproot an entire banana plant on a high embankment, nearly standing on her hind legs to get it, I was so thankful to have my passenger rope to hold onto. When she finally acquired what she was after, our girl decided to follow directions again and continued on. Down to the river to walk to the bathing pool.

When we got to the pool, the elephants slowly knelt down, rolled over onto their sides, and we slid off. Their big eyes would close halfway as we scrubbed them down with brushes, giving our hard-working girls a cool break. After playing for a bit—everyone showing their tricks, whether that be water-pooping (the least desirable of the feats) or spraying with their trunks—we made our way over to the swimming hole. Here, we stayed on the back of our elephant, a true mahout in between Peter and me, as our plucky pachyderm took us for a swim. Head down, she would nearly submerge us, the pop all the way up again.

The day would not be complete without a group picture, soaked and delighted . . . as we cozied up next to the elephants that gave us a day to remember!

Okay, Thailand . . . that was awesome!